That THING that holds me back:: Soulscape
Today I wanted to explore the THING that holds me back.
The conversation started with safety, about being able to have what I need to live to survive and recognizing that I’m not thriving. I osculated between desire and dread— not good enough, being a loser and being a total failure.
What surfaced— allowed myself to feel into, then run away from was the core belief that if I do what I love I won’t survive.
That’s fucked up!
The truth of what is lurking is just under the surface. To fix that hurt I tried to call up my magical thinking, that vibration that surpasses the bullshit; the glitter and the darkness; the light and the dark.
All I can do is be present with my feels and let whatever wants to show up, show up. What’s essential is to keep allowing my truth to come forth — first in this journal entry, then in my life. Ultimately all that's left is me- my feels, my stories, and my truth. It's not always pretty, or amazing but its a way to love all of me.
