Shame :: Soulscape

Did you ever have a word that will show up over and over again in a short amount of time? Last week, the word SHAME came into conversations over and over again. The first time I heard it, it was like a pinprick in my chest. Each time that word was mentioned, the pinprick got deeper. By the end of the week, my bones felt like they were shacking. I am humming in a terror that my Shame in me would begin to broadcast itself to the world.
I have spent years exploring, befriending, and yes, even screaming at my inner demons. In hindsight, Shame has been an elusive one, letting me touch it at a superficial level.

Today, my intention to look at-touch-explore the Shame that I'm still carrying around — keeping my heart soft and my expectations in check. I started by writing out my old shame stories to see what would arise. Inviting those hidden secrets that are in my bones, in my unconscious to come up into the light. I need to know what is there and wants to be healed so I can be more fully me.

The stories came out quietly, softly, tentatively. Almost as if this feeling I call, Shame was waiting to be yelled out. To be met with anger and rage for still being there. So with each story and feeling that bubbled up, I meet it with love and kindness.

Because the healing journey is like a spiral, ever so often touching a deeper layer of an old story, I know I just touched the surface with Shame. So it seems like I may be spending some time being with these young, scared parts of me as we both learn to trust each other and be present with each other.